Baby only sleeps in your arms: why, and how to put them down without waking them

by The Bebe2Luxe Team, 26/10/2026

Table of contents · 10 min read

Why your baby only wants to sleep in your arms
Why they wake up as soon as you put them down
Step by step: how to put your baby down without waking them
During the day: naps in your arms, in a sling or close to you
At night: keeping them close, safely
What to avoid, even when you are exhausted
How long will it last, and when to talk to a professional
FAQ: baby only sleeps in arms

You have rocked your baby and they are finally asleep. You lay them down ever so gently in their cot… and they wake up crying. If this happens several times a day, rest assured: it is one of the most common situations of the first months, and it is neither a whim nor a bad habit.

The short answer: a newborn first falls into a light, restless sleep. If you put them down too soon, the slightest change wakes them up. Wait for the signs of quiet sleep, warm up the cot, lay them down gently and keep your hands on them for a moment. And for the times when they really will not be put down, there are safe ways to keep them close to you.

Why your baby only wants to sleep in your arms

For nine months, your baby was constantly rocked, kept warm, surrounded by muffled sounds and the beat of your heart. In your arms, they find exactly that again: your warmth, your smell, your voice and the rise and fall of your breathing. Their cot, on the other hand, is still, silent and cooler.

A newborn is not yet aware of being a separate person from you. Being held reassures them, and that feeling of security is what allows them to let go and fall asleep. Picking them up when they need it does not make them clingy: it is actually what will help them, later on, feel confident enough to fall asleep on their own.

So it is normal for your baby to settle better against you, especially during the first three months. The goal is not to stop holding them, but to make the move to the cot gentler.

Why they wake up as soon as you put them down

Three reasons explain most wake-ups at the moment you lay your baby down.

They are not yet in deep sleep

A newborn falls asleep in active sleep (the equivalent of REM sleep), which takes up 50 to 60% of their sleep time. Their sleep cycles last 50 to 60 minutes and alternate between active sleep and quiet sleep. During active sleep, their eyes move under the eyelids, they grimace, smile and twitch: they are asleep, but very lightly. Putting them down at that moment almost always wakes them.

The startle reflex

When your baby feels as if they are falling backwards, they suddenly fling their arms out: this is a primitive reflex, present from birth, called the Moro reflex. Being lowered head first towards the mattress is often enough to trigger it… and wake them up.

The change in temperature and contact

They go from your warm body to a cool sheet, with nothing around them. For a baby, that difference is very noticeable.

This is also why so many naps last only 20 or 30 minutes: at the end of a first cycle, your baby briefly surfaces. If they do not find the same conditions they fell asleep in, they struggle to move into the next cycle.

Step by step: how to put your baby down without waking them

These steps will not work every time, but together they often make the difference.

Wait for quiet sleep. After they drop off, it often takes around fifteen to twenty minutes. The signs: slow, regular breathing, a relaxed face, no more eye movements under the eyelids. The arm test: gently lift their arm; if it flops down, they are in deep sleep.
Get the cot ready first. Warm the sheet with your hand or with a hot-water bottle that you remove before laying your baby down. Nothing should be left in the cot.
Bottom first, head second. Keep them against you for as long as possible on the way down, then lower their bottom before gently letting their head follow. This reduces the feeling of falling.
Keep your hands on them. One hand on their tummy, the other on the top of their head or their shoulder, for a minute or two. Then remove them very gradually.
Stay close. A soft voice, a steady shushing sound and your presence next to the cot help them stay asleep if they stir.
Dress them for the night. A baby sleeping bag that fits their size and the room temperature wraps them without a blanket: they feel held and secure.
Do not lose heart. Sometimes you will have to start again. And on some days nothing works: that is normal too.

To build this moment into every evening, our guide to baby bedtime routines explains the rituals that help your baby understand that night is coming.

During the day: naps in your arms, in a sling or close to you

During the day, many babies refuse their cot for naps even though they sleep better at night. You can let your baby sleep in your arms or in a sling or ergonomic carrier as long as you stay awake and attentive, making sure their nose and mouth are always clear.

To free your arms during their awake time, a baby swing can really help: your baby stays near you, in the same room, gently rocked, while you have a shower or make a meal. One point is essential: a swing is for awake time, not for sleep. If your baby falls asleep in it, move them to their cot, on their back.

The AVA electric baby swing is suitable from birth up to 9 kg, with a 5-point harness, several swing amplitudes and soft melodies. Its timer (8, 15 or 30 minutes) stops the motion by itself, which makes it easy not to leave your baby in it for too long.

View the product page: AVA →

The ALPHA baby swing adds a touch panel, white noise on top of the melodies, and a summer mode with a breathable mesh seat.

View the product page: ALPHA →

How long can your baby stay in it depending on their age? We answer in detail in when to put a baby in a swing.

At night: keeping them close, safely

At night, many exhausted parents end up keeping their baby against them, in bed or on the sofa. This is exactly the situation to avoid: adult beds, armchairs and sofas are not suitable for an infant to sleep in, even for a short nap.

The solution that meets their need for closeness and keeps them safe is to have your baby sleep in your room, in their own cot, as close to you as possible. A bedside crib is designed for this: it attaches to the parents' bed, level with your mattress, with the open side towards you. Your baby can hear you breathe, you can rest a hand on them without getting up, and you can easily pick them up for a feed. But each of you sleeps in your own bed.

The LEO 4-in-1 bedside crib attaches to the parents' bed with its straps, adjusts to 5 heights, has a drop-down side panel, and an anti-reflux tilt adjustable from 2 to 9 degrees. It is used as a bedside crib from birth to 6 months, then as a rocking cot and a playpen up to 36 months (under 15 kg and 90 cm). A mattress and a mosquito net are included.

View the product page: LEO →

If you are looking for a simple bedside crib just for the first months, the KELIO bedside crib is used from birth to 6 months. It fixes to the parents' bed with its straps, adjusts to 6 heights (from 65 to 84 cm), its side panel drops down and its breathable walls let the air through. It also has an anti-reflux tilt and 4 wheels with brakes so you can move it easily during the day. A mattress (80 × 50 cm) and a mosquito net are included.

View the product page: KELIO →

In short: KELIO for the first 6 months, LEO if you want a bed that carries on up to 3 years. To choose between a bedside crib, a crib and a cot, read where your baby should sleep in the first few months and our guide to choosing a crib or bedside crib.

What to avoid, even when you are exhausted

After weeks of broken sleep, it is tempting to reach for whatever works straight away. Some of these solutions are dangerous for an infant:

Letting them sleep on you on a sofa or in an armchair if there is any chance you might fall asleep. It is one of the riskiest situations.
Putting them to sleep on their tummy or side because they seem to sleep better. Tummy sleeping is the main risk factor for sudden unexpected infant death, and a baby on their side can roll over. Always on their back, on a flat surface, including for naps.
Letting them sleep in a bouncer, a swing or an infant car seat. In a semi-upright position, their head can drop forward and restrict their breathing.
Filling the cot to wedge them in: pillows, sleep positioners, cot bumpers, blankets, soft toys. A firm mattress, a well-fitted sheet and a sleeping bag are all they need.
Shaking them to calm them down, even gently. If you feel you have reached your limit, put your baby in their cot on their back, leave the room for a few minutes and ask a relative or a professional for help. A baby crying in their cot is safe.

How long will it last, and when to talk to a professional

The need to be held is especially strong during the first three months. After that, your baby's sleep gradually organises itself: quiet sleep takes up more room, cycles link together better, and most babies accept their cot more easily. Every child has their own rhythm, and there is no set age.

Talk to your GP, midwife or health visitor if your baby cries inconsolably for long periods, seems to be in pain, is feeding poorly or has a temperature, or if you yourself are so exhausted that you can no longer cope. Asking for help is part of being a parent.

FAQ: baby only sleeps in arms

Am I creating a bad habit by holding my baby?

No. A newborn needs contact to feel safe, and meeting that need does not create a bad habit. You can, however, gradually help them fall asleep in their cot as well, using the method described above.

My baby only sleeps for 20 or 30 minutes: is that normal?

Yes, it is common. An infant's sleep cycle lasts 50 to 60 minutes, and they often wake at the end of a cycle or during a light phase. Only putting them down once they are in quiet sleep, and keeping the same conditions they fell asleep in, helps them link their cycles.

Can my baby nap on me?

Yes, provided you stay awake and attentive and their nose and mouth remain clear. If you feel you are about to fall asleep, put them in their cot, on their back.

Can a baby sleep in a baby swing?

No, not to sleep. A swing is made for awake time, under your supervision. If your baby falls asleep in it, move them to their cot, on their back, on a flat surface.

Does a bedside crib help a baby who only sleeps against their parents?

Often, yes. Attached to your bed, the bedside crib keeps your baby a few centimetres from you: they sense you are there, and you can soothe them with one hand without picking them up. Yet they sleep on their own surface, which is the safe-sleep recommendation.

My baby only sleeps in my arms at night: what can I do?

Use the transfer method (wait for quiet sleep, warm cot, bottom then head, hands resting on them), set up their cot right next to your bed and take turns with your partner when you can. Never fall asleep with your baby in your bed or on a sofa.

Sources: French National Health Insurance (ameli.fr), How to put a baby to bed safely; Réseau Morphée, Normal sleep in babies; French Ministry of Health, Your child's health day to day. This article gives general guidance and does not replace the advice of your doctor or health visitor.